Aug 24, 2016


My really close friend Jason was killed in a car accident yesterday.  It's the first time someone close to me has died, and I am not handling it well.  Below is us at about 19, teenage sweethearts in our apartment together, and above, in his backyard bbq-ing one Sunday afternoon about age 40.  And now, just like that, he's gone.

Aug 13, 2016


I have lost almost twenty pounds since I started Weight Watchers about six weeks ago.  I started at 338 and my most recent measurement was 319.2!

I am struggling with doing the Paleo along with the Weight Watchers, and feeling led in a different direction, in which I would like to focus on eating clean and balanced and just sticking to the points and perhaps lightening up as far as meat goes.  I am a work in progress for sure.

I am feeling a little better, and hoping I am finally turning the tide and heading towards health!

Jul 29, 2016

Heavy Breathing

Obviously my weight being so high right now is a health issue in and of itself.  The pressure on my organs and joints is taking it's toll.  Beyond that, though is the inflammation.  I have terrible arthritis in my right ankle (because when I broke it in three places it dislocated, and then the hospital relocated it and then re-dislocated it.  My surgeon says each dislocation was like a decade of wear on my ankle joint.) and even worse arthritis in my left knee (I already had some arthritis in my knees, and now that I favor my left ankle so much my left knee really takes a beating).  I also have lots of itching, the odd welts I mentioned in my last post, odd brown patches forming on my face, I think I am developing skin tags on my neck, and I had a few days of asthmatic drama earlier this month.

Not good.

Meanwhile, my coworker (who is also one of my very best pals) was also complaining of feeling like crap and commented, "I should do a whole 30".

Considering that I lost almost a hundred pounds before with a Paleo approach, and considering that the Paleo diet is naturally pretty anti-inflammatory and would probably really help a lot of my issues, and because of course I want to be supportive and to be supported and keeping each other inspired and on task is a great way to boost accountability, I immediately said yes and suggested we prep over the weekend and start on Monday, since it's the first.

So Monday will be day one of a Whole 30 for my two sista coworkers, my husband, my nineteen year old son (who needs to drop twelve pounds to be considered for the Air Force) and myself.

I will continue to count WW points throughout the month, as I am down 14 pounds so far.

Today was day four of the thirty day exercise challenge I am doing via Betty Rocker.  It's just fifteen minutes a day, but there's a lot of ass kicking in that quarter hour.  I honestly have to modify almost everything and even so I still struggle to keep up - but at the end of fifteen minutes I am sweating and heavy breathing.

Jul 23, 2016

Still Here

So....the results of the thirty day Vegan thing are inconclusive.

A few weeks after going Vegan, I found myself in health crisis mode.  I started getting itchy, which I attributed to grains.  One day I noticed my hips were itchy, I kept catching myself scratching them - but nothing that would lead me to expect what happened next.  That night I took my pants off and had giant welt bruises where I had been itching.  Did I bruise myself scratching, or was I scratching bruises I didn't know I had?  What was going on?

They faded.  Then it happened again on my thigh.

my thigh, in all it's hideous glory, with our tv remote for welt ratio

Then I started having some dizzy spells, which morphed into vertigo.  My husband wakes me up once he is out of the shower, and one morning he sat down on the edge of the bed and woke me up and I started to sit up and the world just started rolling.  It was as if I was going to fall off the Earth, and I was screaming and clutching my husband for something to hold on to - something to anchor me - and then it subsided just as quickly as it came on.

That scared the husband enough to send me to the doctor, who didn't really have any answers.  My blood pressure was escalated that day, and the nurse made a passing comment about it being high.  I mentioned to them several times that I normally had really good blood pressure and that was definitely abnormal, but the doctor blew it off.  The message I got was that it's normal for big fat girls like me to have high blood pressure so that doesn't mean anything.

He ran a bunch of tests, and I was told that everything was totally normal and I should see a neurologist for further testing if it continued.  When I got the actual test results in the mail I compared them to previous tests I had done about six months ago, and noticed that while "normal" my blood sugar had also increased.  It seemed as if something was triggering inflammation and sending my body reeling, but what?

The only obvious changes we could come up with were that I had started taking anti-anxiety medication a month or so before, and that I had switched to a vegan diet almost a month before, so I stopped both those things cold turkey and it seemed to help.  It could have been either one of those things or it could be that my body finally reached it's tipping point, which would not be surprising as I am not getting any younger and a month ago was at my highest recorded weight ever. (Just for transparencies sake, my previous high weight was 325.  A few years ago, after about a year and a half on the Paleo diet, I was down to 232.  I went back to work, got lazy, and started slowing gaining weight back...then I broke my ankle hiking, was confined to bed and a wheelchair, unable to exercise or cook, and started gaining faster - and was so distracted by trying to walk again that I didn't really notice, and by the time I noticed I was discouraged by the weight gain that I turned to comfort food and packed on some more.  I was 338 at that doctor visit.  I did immediately start counting points with Weight Watchers, and am back down to 325.

The vertigo, itching, and bruising subsided (although I do still have small vertigo waves) and I started to feel better, even going for a swim one day and taking some walks as I got stronger.  The past few weeks I have been distracted with helping my older son move back home and do some soul searching and make a life plan, but now that's pretty much on track and it's time to turn some focus back on myself.

Here we go.....again.

May 10, 2016

30 Day Vegan

As an experiment to see what all the buzz is about, I decided to go gluten-free vegan for 30 days.  Monday was one week, so far it's been delightful.

May 7, 2016

Planting Trees

A cherry tree and a Buddha hand on a Saturday morning.